[CN: Bullying, assault, prejudice]
I will be turning this into a video this week, but here’s the rough draft of the transcript early:
As the vibration of cesium marks the passage of time here in the United States, my home state of Texas is marching towards denying civil liberties of many Texans, young and old. With under half of the state being Judgmental Christian, religionist, or otherwise invested in the endeavor of dictating daily lives and growing the size of government, the powers that be in Texas are attempting to force the beliefs of the minority upon the rest. There have been loud rumors about the possibility of a statewide bill affecting minority groups, especially nonpassing or nonbinary transgender individuals. There have already been several cities that have passed their own anti-trans bathroom ordinance, and there have been several others that have had protections for minority groups repealed due to these perverse beliefs.
However, this isn’t much of a surprise to me. I grew up in a small town, one that some might refer to as “rural.” It was pretty average for the area, as far as ideological beliefs go. Kids talked. Adults gossiped. The elderly nagged. It was, and still remains, an excellent breeding ground for ideological indoctrination. Growing up, it wasn’t very difficult for me to pick up on the opinions of others. Whatever the TV or radio was saying was likely to be their thoughts, or whatever they learned from Sunday school that week. The kids were no different. Even if they didn’t pay much attention to the news, they still had their parents to fill them in on what to believe and how to act.
When I was young, I knew to keep my mouth shut. A “boy,” of sorts, that “thought” himself to be a “girl” was something to be disgusted at and corrected, fixed, or abandoned. I recognized this long before I should have, but I had to grow up fast being in such a place. It took a long time before I found a friend that I felt comfortable with opening up to. They were similar to me, or at least I thought they were. Yet, they were a gay cisgender male, and when I revealed how I felt about my life and myself, they recoiled in disgust and told me I couldn’t possibly feel that way. I was eight at the time, and it devastated me. After that day, I didn’t really have much of a friendship with them anymore. I was eight, and I had been devastated. Confused. What made me so different? They acted kind of like me. They liked similar stuff. Yet, they weren’t trans. They couldn’t understand it.
In 5th grade, my body began to change in a variety of ways. It mainly started with accentuation of my torso and the growth of breasts. My body was becoming a confusing mush, to me. It was being pulled in ways that I didn’t like, but at the same time it was being moved to places that I did like. I had already become hesitant to use the restroom, due to my increasing dysphoria and knowledge of how society viewed me. However, sometimes it was necessary. At the school I attended, we were only allowed restroom breaks with the class, unless it was an emergency. These breaks were monitored by a female teacher, which generally meant the boy’s restroom was chaos. I recall going in there one time, and there was a group of kids standing around a urinal. The person trying to do their business was often subjected to physical and mental bullying. I do not remember much about them, even though I tried to get to know them. However, what I do recall is that they had problems at home – financial and probably more. Due to their circumstances, they often came to school with long fingernails, which was strike one against them in the minds of the kids being taught by the religious vultures. He also had long hair, which may have been in part due to the circumstances surrounding his life. The last strike against him was his demeanor. He was timid to the point of shaking, forced to be shy from the constant hate, and had a soft voice. He was the best target for these living bags of trash. The kids standing around him were yelling slurs – calling him a faggot, a sissy, and more. They then began taking turns placing their foot on his butt and pushing him back and forth against the urinal. I wanted to leave, but instead some of them had turned their attention to me. They began to throw insults about cowardice my way, and I was a coward. Not for their reasons, but because I really needed to use the restroom, and these other bigger children were forcing me to make a decision: Press on this kid or be tortured, too.
To appease them, I placed my foot on him, pressed him once, and retreated into a stall. A few cheers erupted from the other kids, and the teacher finally decided that there was too much noise, and began to force everyone out of the restroom. I simply sat in the stall and began to cry. I don’t readily recall if he ever told the teacher, but it didn’t matter.
After that day, I stopped using the restroom breaks. As every other kid filtered into the bathrooms, I waited outside. My teacher took notice, and questioned a few times, but I never revealed the problem. Instead, I halted my fluid intake to make sure I could go all day without using the school’s restrooms. If I REALLY had to go, I still wouldn’t. I would hold it. I would wait until I arrived at my grandmother’s place of work, where I was dropped off after school, and would use the restroom there. Without anyone present.
I couldn’t use the restroom that aligned with my gender identity, nor could I get the assistance required to move towards it. I was afraid of what would happen to me in the ones that didn’t align with my identity. So, I chose either empty bathrooms, gender neutral bathrooms, or I wouldn’t go at all. Often, the choice would be made for me, and it generally resulted in holding on to that fluid waste.
This behavior, this maladaptive coping mechanism as a response to a broken society where the unanalytical push their uninformed opinions, caused me several kidney stones over the years. The lack of hydration, the inability to exist, the lack of facilities that could keep me safe, and more coalesced into some of the most unimaginable pain. It also put me in debt several thousand dollars due to one of the stones being 7 mm and requiring intervention.
This is what this negative behavior results in. This is what coddling special snowflakes that believe their opinions are facts does to children. This is what has been happening for so long in our society, and it’s what will continue to happen as long as we’re okay with letting the vocal minority rule and hijack the megaphone.
Bullying, health problems, and more will befall the children of Texas and any state where this attitude is held in high regard. It must be stopped, and it will be stopped, but only with help of people like you. People that empower themselves. Listen. Know. Understand. Thank you so much for joining me. Stay safe, my witchlings, and know that you are incredible. Until next time, bye~